Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-. What a rip-off. I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out. Categories: Funny Thoughts , Word Play Jokes , One-Liner Jokes. The old man says,"Oh! Some of the best one-liner comedians include Milton Jones, Shappi Khorsandi, Jimmy Carr, Tim Vine and Steven Wright. Q: What is black, white and red all over? O ne-liners can be hilarious. The Ultimate List Of Zombie Jokes, Puns & One-Liners. one Genie appeared. SHARE. We hope that you will enjoy reading these uproarious one-liners as much as we did in selecting them. If … Zombie Jokes, Puns & One-Liners All sorted from the best by our visitors. Stoners will love these one liners. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. So, whether it’s for your friends, kids, or colleagues at work, they are hilarious and exciting. 11 Best Comedian One Liners. One Enter these funny one-liners. These clever jokes will lift your spirits, brighten your mood and get you giggling in no time. From witty one-liners that require some humor to good one-liners to share with kids, these hilarious jokes will make any conversation more lively. So the NHS is … SEXIST JOKES In the joke world hierarchy, one-liners are a gem: they’re easy to remember, take no time to tell, and if crafted just right pack a mightier punch than a joke with a longer set up. Other movie one-liners are deep, even dark, while others are just straight up weird. One Life Saved. Always borrow money from a pessimist. One Liner Jokes He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. Marijuana, Weed Jokes - Perfect One-Liners for Stoners! Ok here goes: Below are 13 (more) one-liners about being crazy. “Light travels faster than sound. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. The Best 35 One Liner Jokes. More Hilarious One-Liner Jokes Here is another tranche of one-liners. Like beams of light. Punchy, concise, and clever, they often make use of play on words, double meaning, or double-entendre. Dirty One Liners. List of quotes to use from shows, movies, etc. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. Because they only have one tale. One time he went to a resaurant with his wife, she said,"What is a suppository doing in your ear." A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Here are some great one-liners for you to enjoy. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. He reflexively grabs and snatches it … "Advil has a candy coating. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. Here are few extra Mitch Hedberg one liners which probably aren’t suitable for your children. It's always a good time for hilarious one liners and funny short jokes. One Liners Winter Dad Jokes 2021. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I … Miracle drug--Anything the kids will take without screaming. A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. 3) No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea, you never get that tea. 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners. 10. It’s a mixture of both silly jokes and clever one-liner jokes about pharmacy. But I live with multiple mental illnesses and have so for years. So you’ll love ’em. 100 More Jokes That Shaped Modern Comedy. Plus, a slice of lemon. Over the years we have heard a ton of 12 step humor and AA jokes at meetings and conferences. The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. "Now settle down," the doctor calmly told him. Regardless of the genre, they’re usually remembered long after the movie’s release, and the words can impact an entire generation. Jokerz has the best drug jokes on internet! Here are some famous one liner jokes that can easily lift your spirits. diabetes jokes one liners lunch. Run! These jokes and one-liners focus on medicine, doctors and medical matters in general. O ne-liners can be hilarious. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me. Miracle drug--Anything that will do 25% as much as the label says. “One of our memory’s most dangerous enemies is an absence of excitement. The complications of DM also entail important socioeconomic consequences for the patients and their families, as well as for local and world public health systems, owing to direct and indirect medical costs, which appear to be more severe in developing countries [].In Venezuela, Type 2 DM (DM2) represents one of the main causes of … This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.”. 38 of Russell Howard’s best jokes and funniest one-liners. Funny horse jokes, dumb horse puns, and a healthy round of "horse walks into a bar" jokes that are guaranteed to cause unbridled laughs. An apple a day won't do it!!! It's delicious. Dirty One Liners. 2. It’s all a matter of viewpoint. So for once, let’s just get together and enjoy some of the best dirty jokes served chill with a glass of beer (or milk). Let's take it together, it will be great." 1: George Washington said ‘We would have a black president when pigs fly!’ … well, swine flu. LOL at 55 best Mitch Hedberg quotes, jokes, and one liners. Q: When do zombies go to sleep? "I'm lonely. A: 4, one to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room spins. I like to do my bit to prevent florist friars. He won’t expect it back. Was out camping when a monk tried to sell me flowers but I said no. Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box…. Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself! This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.”. A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday. A drug addict found a lamp. Drug addicts are funny on their own, but if they are not, you can use our funny drug jokes to make them funny. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. I have clean conscience. It's always a good time for hilarious one liners and funny short jokes. “Money talks. Review books, write or discover brand-new points to boost your brain. One-liners are one of the funniest types of jokes. Star Wars - One Liners. 7. All types of funny jokes, jokes for kids, jokes for adults, knock Knock jokes, doctor jokes, religion jokes, marriage jokes, cheating jokes, animal jokes, puns, one liners, dirty jokes, silly jokes, police jokes, prison jokes and many more. A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on his shoulder. Huge list of some great quotes from your favorite people, movies, and shows. 145+ One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. No. 9. ~ Miss Piggy June 06, 2018 6:00 AM. Q: When do zombies go to sleep? A: Three. The Best One-Liner Jokes. 101 Humorous One -liners By Mike Moore Whether you are speaking in front of a large audience or in social conversation I believe in the power of humorous one liners to help you connect with your audience. The latter is on your bill-haha. Most of these cute one liners are from the iconic comedians and others are from random people. 5. Q: When do zombies go to sleep? Following is our collection of funny One Liner jokes. An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years. ... jokes, and one-liners. I’m just not on the right planet. Here are some One Liner Medical Jokes items I have now: The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. A one-liner joke is a joke delivered in a single line. 1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Billy Crystal. "Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said. Years after the Chernobyl accident and am I the only one that’s disappointed? His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. 1: Want to take a look at my benefit package? Activities Drugs. 15 One Liner Jokes about Heroin Drug 1: Tobacco kills more people in the United States every year than alcohol, cocaine, heroin, homicide, suicide, car... 2: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? “I always take life with a grain of salt. Send up a larger room.” Groucho Marx 13 One-Liners About Being Crazy ... No one should make jokes about being crazy. Health (3 days ago) Funny Doctor Jokes and Doctor One Liners.Knocker April 24, 2017 No Comments. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed." August 29, 2021 admin. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. Why are cats bad storytellers? SHARE. And I would hear sounds… that sounded an awful lot like car horns. The Best 35 One Liner Jokes. ~ Will Rogers When I come to one of the forks in the road of life, I don’t waste time and energy wishing it was a spoon. These BBQ Hating White Woman Snitching On Black People Memes... Another "Spongebob Square Pants" … After drinking too much at the holiday party I stopped at a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo. "The saying, 'There's more pleasure in giving than in receiving,' applies chiefly to advice... and medicine." Funny One-Liners: Sarcasms, Puns and Jokes in One Line. Following is our collection of funny Filipino jokes.There are some filipino philippine jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Have a look at these witty one liners. 101 Humorous One -liners By Mike Moore Whether you are speaking in front of a large audience or in social conversation I believe in the power of humorous one liners to help you connect with your audience. It makes you laugh. I sold my vacuum the other day. At the psychiatrists office a homely woman came in depressed. But I live with multiple mental illnesses and have so for years. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke. 5. 8. "You've got something jammed in here real good." Entertain your friends with some bombastic one-liners with a sure outbursts of laughter. (1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director. Hey, there whatsapp is using me. 120+ punny and funny one-liner jokes. 4) I went up to the airport information desk. One liner tags: beauty, drug, puns, time, work. I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any. An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years. This is a collection of funny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 250 lbs here on Earth is 94.5 lbs on Mercury. Share Via. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana – mafia. Q: What is the difference between God and an orthopedic surgeon. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. Have fun! Some with a sprinkle of adult humor jokes and others you can basically share with kids. Life goes so quick but it is still a good idea to put together a nice quotes list. Be the first to review this product. I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count. 4. I … We’ve had a few musical themed posts in the past, and this week’s series of puns and one liners follow that trend with the topic being guitar jokes. The doctor used so many medicines he didn't know which one worked. Mitch Hedberg. Stoners will love these one liners. I … The Ultimate List Of Zombie Jokes, Puns & One-Liners. Dirty One Liner Jokes. A cowboy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks for a shot. Many of the one liner jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate. The house call is here! It's always a good time for hilarious one liners and funny short jokes. The quicker the humor the more sharp it may be and the quicker at making us laugh! So enjoy this collection of 80 funny one liners! I was getting a record player down from a shelf and it dropped on my head! Makes them ideal for experimentation. 100 of the funniest short jokes and … “Room service? I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the car park. 2) Cats have nine lives. A man had just been laid off from work. The cowboy takes the shot and slams the shot glass down on the counter, yelling, "TGIF!" I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it. It makes you laugh. ... "Grown adults refusing to take medication in … Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only f***ing yourself! Is your dad a drug dealer because you are totally dope. He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road. Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. So check this list of funny racist lines and enjoy. I had to put my foot down. This week’s puns and one liners are all on the topic of Monk Jokes. Sometimes patient-doctor interactions can get a bit out of hand and bat poop crazy and we like nothing more than exposing these moments for your sound health.Here is a … Theknockknockjokes.com Unfortunately, they’re often lumped in the same category as bad jokes. I have a huge collection of most offensive one liners jokes and Dirty one liners. We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. The quicker the humor the more sharp it may be and the quicker at making us laugh! A: When they are dead tired. So shocking your regimen is a winning technique,” Legendre says. Following is our collection of funny One Liner jokes. Here's the whole list for those of you who love one liners - though strictly speaking they're question/answer jokes or two line jokes really. Other movie one-liners are deep, even dark, while others are just straight up weird. Memory Loss. Mental illness runs in my family. A doctor is the only man who can tell a woman to take off all her clothes and then send a bill to her husband! Enjoy the Dirty Jokes and One liners, No Need to worry just enjoy and leave all your stress in the junk box…. Mastering the art of the one liner is simple, much easier than mastering the art of telling humorous stories. One liner tags: death, drug, food, health, sarcastic. Genie appeared. So enjoy this collection of 80 funny one liners! 1. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…. Chocolate is the best investment. The latter requires a keen sense of The world’s best comedians have said these sickest one liners. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. So, expect to read a few that are simple for everyone and a handful for pharmacists. Therefore, everyone can pick from our list of brilliant one-liner jokes that suit their particular sense of humor. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. Q: How many meth users does it take to change a lightbulb? A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. And a shot of tequila.”. Sometime it is a one-liner or meme that goes viral but for whatever reason it sticks with us. A collection of short, funny jokes related to Marijuana, Weed and Cannabis. There was an old guy who took suppositories as a medication. We have compiled a list of our favorite drug jokes, alcohol jokes, and recovery jokes. Funny one liners by rodney dangerfield. Warning: There are some really corny jokes ahead. $19.00. I haven’t used it once till now. Funny Doctor Jokes and Doctor One Liners Medical Humor. One Liners | Part 4. Here are some One Liner Medical Jokes items I have now: The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter – he’s got to just know. Sign at the Urologist's office: URINE good hands. A local Bhuddist monk went to see the dentist, but refused all the drugs he was offered. A second look at bits, sketches, one-liners, and even modern art that have influenced American humor for the past 170 years. E-Mail. A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, "You have to help me, I think I'm shrinking." Jimmy Carr's One liners. So we have large collection of jokes on bar and bartenders that you will enjoy. Q: What is black, white and red all over? "While I was in the doctor's waiting room, there was this tiny man, only about six inches tall. “ Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.”. “I … We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. One Liner Jokes These jokes have been available for a while at the bottom of each page, selected at random. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. 82.65 % / 1971 votes. 13 One-Liners About Being Crazy ... No one should make jokes about being crazy. Some of them are sarcastic. (1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian. of his life sentence in prison. When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. And a shot of tequila.”. #1. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!" Pharmacy Jokes Facts 22 Hilarious Nurse Jokes There’s an old saying that goes like this: The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off-duty. He reflexively grabs and snatches it … We repeat the line “One liner a day, keeps a doctor away” just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. They’re not really about getting well per se, but anyone who has been into hospital or seen a doctor regularly will. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!" Mitch Hedberg one liners not suitable for children. Education School Self Class clown Comedian. Drug Jokes One Liners. Jokes4us.com - Jokes and More. One Liner Hospital Jokes . "Ok, that was your first wish. 3. You buy 100 g – you gain 2 kg! “I … It certainly takes the Edge off them. 2. One one-liner a day keeps the doctor away…so, here is a shortlist of the best one-liners you can find on the internet today. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police. (1961 – 1994) comedian. 2. 13 (More) Funny One-Liners About Having a Mental Illness Before you go all nuclear on me, saying “how dare you make fun of people wit h psychiatric disord ers,” check my two previous posts: rules for finding the humor in mental illness an d 13 Funny One-Liners About Having a Mental Illness . One Liners It is absolutely insane to allow cocaine-addicted fiends on Wall Street to control the U.S. economy. “The optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.”. I asked God for a bike, but I … A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: My dog is an awesome fashion adviser. In stock. All I did was take a day off!”. There are some one liner jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Clean Short Jokes, Funny One Line Jokes An onion can make people cry but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?" “I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. How is Columbia not a super power yet? We've picked some of our favourite one-liners and short jokes from Britain's finest comics to help us get through self-isolation By David Levesley 26 July 2020 “I always take life with a grain of salt. If you don’t like drugs, still there may be a reason to say you are a stoner . All it was doing was collecting dust! Some aren’t. "I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. It was a shitzu. A: When they are dead tired. The largest collection of drug one-line jokes in the world. A collection of short, funny jokes related to Marijuana, Weed and Cannabis. “When cows are milked, ice cream comes out.”. Famous One Liner Jokes. See TOP 10 drug one liners. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Bill Hicks. He charged one and let the other one off. Plus, a slice of lemon. After it wouldn't wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there. Funny bad jokes. I am originally from Indiana. In high school, I was the class comedian as opposed to the class clown; the difference is the class clown is the guy who drops his pants at the football game, the class comedian is the guy who talked him into it. I have a huge collection of most offensive one liners jokes and Dirty one liners. They produce cocaine and coffee. Marijuana, Weed Jokes - Perfect One-Liners for Stoners! There are some one liner jokes no one knows ( to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Funny one-liners is a collection of short jokes, sarcasms, puns and sayings. The Mexican orders a shot, takes it, and slams his glass down, yelling, "SPIT!" The Greatest Old Guy Joke of all Time. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. So check this list of dirty one line jokes and enjoy. A: A nun being eaten by zombies. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Mastering the art of the one liner is simple, much easier than mastering the art of telling humorous stories. Q: When do zombies go to sleep? When I was on acid, I would see things. 3. Black people racist one liners. Ricky Gervais' funniest one-liners Stars Insider 6/26/2021. “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” ... 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. As normal, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality… U2’s first few albums have been remastered without the guitars on them. Across the bar, a Mexican man is sitting and glaring at the cowboy. Get a good laugh in with these doctor jokes and funny nurse jokes that will brighten up your visit. And it says right on the bottle "Do not have more than two." He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. 1. Although he was there... 3. Regardless of the genre, they’re usually remembered long after the movie’s release, and the words can impact an entire generation. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. 1. Checkout the blow nasty jokes and one liners-. Some clever one liners which are sure to tickle the fancies of those who enjoy word play, and that too with a comical twist. 1. The funniest and best jokes about zombies, plus zombie apocalypse one-liners and the finest undead puns. Click on! Memory Loss Jokes … 82.65 % / 3372 votes. Funny window jokes and tons of one liners at funny jokester. Turns out, good players are hard to find. The house call is here! June 06, 2018 6:00 AM. A: A God doesn't think he is an orthopedic surgeon. Activities Drugs Situations. Sign … 22 Hilarious Nurse Jokes There’s an old saying that goes like this: The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off-duty. Quantity: Cocaine and Drugs short jokes. A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. Page 5. now I know where my hearing aids are!" Velcro. Some comedians use one-liners as a basis for their comedic method. I love coming up with cheesy quotes from shows and movies to put in cards and emails. Fat? “Light travels faster than sound. 6. 1. It costs 20p to have a s*** in a train station. He can’t ask his patients what is the matter – he’s got to just know. The funniest and best jokes about zombies, plus zombie apocalypse one-liners and the finest undead puns. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. “You might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).”. If you like this American comedian, this page is for you. Tagged As: funny medical one liners, funny one liners, health jokes, humour, joke, medical jokes • Meet the Author • Dr. Lawrence Kindo I am a Medical Professional with a passion for writing, blogging, playing, computers, and of course patient care. Do your drug experimenting on politicians. If you like these clean one liner jokes, you’ll also like these 45 Really Funny Clean Jokes And Puns. Funny one liners by rodney dangerfield Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. But all of them are awesome. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. August 29, 2021 admin. Still no superheroes. Man, she is one fine looking woman!" Mine always says goodbye.”. A: A nun being eaten by zombies. “You have two parts of the brain, “left” and “right”. “Nothing is free is this country. One Liner Jokes These jokes have been available for a while at the bottom of each page, selected at random. Spread tons of cheer and fun this holiday season with Christmas one liners.. Also, Christmas is the season of giving, therefore sharing these one liner jokes with people you love makes more sense.. You can pick a few clean jokes below to write in the holiday cards or you can use flirty Christmas one liners as icebreakers for Christmas eve dinner or party to start a conversation. Absolutely hillarious drug one-liners! The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! What if Instagram instantly gave you a gram? of his life sentence in prison. The latter requires a keen sense of Here's the whole list for those of you who love one liners - though strictly speaking they're question/answer jokes or two line jokes really. A drug addict found a lamp. 2: Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? Once again the only theme is variety.
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